Broken, But Healing
by Fandoms-For-The-President
Summary: A series of linked one shots; telling about Will and Nico, from how they started, to how they will heal. Rated T for language.
1. The Angel of Death

Ever since Nico was born, he was different. Everyone saw that he was, everyone saw that the entire di Angelo family were different. They looked like death has been crossed their home, and Maria being unmarried and having both her children out of wedlock certainly didn't help. Whenever the di Angelos crossed the street, the boys of the neighborhood would call the siblings things that no one should ever be called. Nico didn't mind then, mostly because he didn't know what half of the words meant, and kept playing with his toys, or with his sister. Bianca, on the other hand, despite her early age, seemed to know things. She seemed to know a lot. To Nico, she was unarguable, the constant right of his small world. Mother was a loving person, but to Nico's eyes, his sister was an absolute gem.

Every month, in the darkest and the latest nights, their father would visit them, with his tall figure and ever the dark clothes. Nico thought his dad was cool, because whenever he came he would come with another toy for him, another pirate or color pencils. Nico never saw his eyes, until one warm Christmas night their eyes met and Nico saw the deep, dark pits of his soul. His father immediately looked away, turning his head, but Nico stared still. For one second, just for one small second, he felt like a terrible fate was there for him.

Some years passed and a six year old Nico, along with his mother and beloved sister, went to Venice and visited Diocletian's palace, and Nico started to get fascinated by the ideate of mythology. It made him spend time and helped him not to care about the boys of the neighborhood, so what could be even better? His mother had told him about the stories of course, but this... This was new! This was like a fairytale. Nico liked fairytales. Who didn't?

After they got back, Nico started to befriend people. Well, just a boy from his class, but he was worth more than one. To Nico, he was a world wonder. They spent time together, and Nico would always come back to home with a huge smile on his tiny face. The boy was precious to Nico, a wonderful new toy. He told his mother and Bianca about him of course, and he saw the worried looks exchanged between them.

"Let's not tell your friend about how you feel, okay darling?" his mother said, and Nico, who did not understand, gave her a confused nod. This thing he felt, didn't everyone feel it towards their friends? People are weird, little Nico thought, and moved on easily, a privilege of being a six year-old.

Not everyone liked Nico at his school. Boys would hate him, and he could feel the concerned and disgusted, pitied looks of teachers behind him. One day, a kid who thought Nico was damned, shouted.

"Gay!"

Nico didn't know what the word meant. He asked his mother. He asked Bianca. None of them answered. Then, the late dark night came and his father answered him. Was that supposed to be wrong? Being... Gay? Nico was confused. What about the people who are gay? he thought, but this question was unanswered, so Nico decided not to push.

A war was starting, that was what his father and his mother whispered to each other. "I am not raising my children in the Underworld!" Maria said, and although Nico didn't understand yet, he somehow managed to get that the Underworld was not a good place.

Eventually, they decided to move to America. "A new start, that's what we need," Mother had said with a warm smile on her face. If only they knew what was expecting them.

Not so later, Nico found himself behind a dark shield with his sister, and as the sky growled, his tiny mind processed the image of his mother dying.

His mind and memory went blank a little later.

Some time passed, fairly short for Nico at the time, when a lawyer came to take them and travel to a academy. Nico was now into a game called Mythomagic, which was awesome, and yet still managed to include Nico's favorite gods and monsters. His beloved sister, Bianca, looked older now, more mature, grieving but motherly. And Nico did not notice what was wrong. No, he wouldn't notice it until it was way too late. They had quite an adventure on the way, but that was no matter, Nico could hardly remember what they did. He didn't seem to remember a lot nowadays.

Nico could feel something was wrong, but didn't care at all. It was a gift now, not caring when something was wrong. Westover Hall was strict, too strict and there always a small problem there. It was a talent, a God-given gift, not caring at all. Nico continued playing with his cards, and the ball was going just fine, until the teacher decided to kidnap he and his sister.

Luckily, a raven-haired boy, not that older than Nico, was there to rescue them.

Nico had always hoped that there would be something that would drag him out of the boring, ordinary world he was living in. Percy Jackson, as the boy later introduced himself as, was the hero of Nico's imagination, brought to life. He suddenly started to feel lighter, Percy would rescue them, right? He did not notice his feelings lying behind his small figure, but his sister did. And slowly, Nico started to feel his sister's already worried expression became even more desperate. She was not okay with being a demigod. She was not happy with it.

Later that day, Bianca chose to forget being a demigod, forget her small, too vulnerable brother and decided to be free, for one time in her hard life. Nico on the other hand, was stuck with his faith, the one with very powerful demigods and very dangerous quests.

Nico trusted Percy. He really, really did; from the deepest part of his heart. That was probably why he was genuinely hurt, grieving and heartbroken when Percy came with everyone else but his sister. He wanted to kill him, he really did. With the new-gained power that drove the skeletons away, he was able to as well. He could've killed him the second he ended the skeletons. But he didn't. He just couldn't.

That was when he realized what was keeping him from doing so.

He was horrified, ran away, and started a chain of a broken faith that involved a lot of that.

He spent his time looking for ways to bring his sister dead, and eventually, he found another soul that demanded vengeance. This one was different, though, Nico could feel it. He could feel a lot of things, nowadays.

Minos, the King Minos leaned in front of his ear and whispered things that only Nico would understand. So he began searching. But his sister never showed up to him, until the heroic demigod, Percy Jackson showed up and scratched the freshly opened wound once again. He wanted to be away from him. He would give anything, in fact.

Just to be away from Perseus Jackson.

But no, he couldn't help but keep getting involved. In the end, Minos was using him, just like everyone did. So Nico held up his courage and for the first time, declared himself as The Ghost King.

He had a plan, that might make Percy love him. Impress Percy. That was his goal. As he took a bite of the blue birthday cake, the first one he ever ate, he started telling his plan.

Nico begged.

He begged and begged to his father, begged him to join the war. His father did not approve. He didn't care. If that was the way to make Percy love him, then so be it. This silly crush of his, to another man, was growing like a silent monster, and he couldn't stop it. His father of course noticed.

Eventually, he agreed and they helped a lot, in fact. Nico settled to Camp Half-Blood for a while, just until he once again started to hear the "Why is he still here?"s and see the scared looks. Then Percy and Annabeth started dating, of course, and he finally realized that this place wouldn't be a home for him. He packed and went away.

Hazel Levesque was not Bianca. She had softer features, she was younger than Nico and she seemed to know where she was, unlike the other souls. She was a child of the Underworld, and to Nico, that was just enough. To Nico, that was more than enough to call her family. The Doors of Death were opened, a problem he'd try to solve later, and he knew that if he just sneaked her out, no one would object. She was a part of family, after all.

Everyone needed second chances.

Camp Jupiter didn't seem to be a home to Nico as well, although it was perfect for Hazel. It was okay. It wasn't the first time Nico felt so unwanted. Not caring at all, he continued his faith by traveling to the Doors of Death, which lead to other awful things.

The goddess of pain teased him for having too much pain on his shoulders, but Nico couldn't hang on longer. He needed to move on, like Bianca always did. Keeping it in would help, maybe. He was finally understanding what he felt when he looked at his father's eyes for the first time.

He was so ashamed, but secretly pleased when the giants got him out of the pits of hell, the pit of his now even more darkened, deep soul.

Percy Jackson, as usual, was there to save the day. That wasn't the first time in Nico's life. But sacrificing himself... Well, that wasn't a new either. But this time, Nico had promised himself not to agree, not to help at all.

Funny how love can make you dance.

He promised Percy to help him, and felt another wound being carved into his soul and mind.

Nico was already wounded in so many ways, but it seemed to increase wildly. He now had to encounter Cupid, and in front of another hero, a whole new level that was available for him to bleed. He just held it in, and let Cupid bully him, in front of someone who was a model for everyone. He could feel the pity of Jason's mind.

He just closed his eyes, and prayed not to cry as Cupid called him a coward. He was not, in many ways, a coward. Jason Grace seemed to get that. He decided to trust him, a first since Bianca died, to keep his secret. Not that he had a chance anyways. He was silent except for the times when he wasn't, which wasn't much, and swore to himself that he would leave when this ended.

Nico stared at the black sky as Reyna shifted comfortably next to him. It was one of those night which Nico felt too heavy to carry on. He watched the stars appear one by one, and just thought and thought.

Shadow-travelling had always been hard for Nico, but this was impossible. But that was what he did, right? To do the impossible and still get no credit. Personally, Nico wasn't even sure that he would survive through the journey, but he didn't care. As long as it was for Percy.

The war is over, or so it seems to be, and Nico looks okay. But he isn't. Because he knows and feels that he is utterly, undeniably broken, and he feels like no matter how much he tries, he will never be fixed.

Nico hates this, all the scars he has. Not physical, but mental. After all he's been through, it's the scars that hurts him the most. And he can't seem to run away from it, no matter how hard he tries. He forgets them sometimes, but they're forever there. To show that he is destined to be alone. That he deserves it. And the worst part is that Nico believes in this. He cannot be fixed.

He does not see yet, but eventually, he'll see, that he does not need to be fixed.


	2. The Black of Day

_Smile, Will_, his mother would say. _Smiling brings out the best in your personality_.

Will mother always smiled. Sometimes, when Will was a small child, she would tell the story of how she met Will's father, and she would always start tickling him when she got to the part "I was giggling when I met him." Will loved the story, and when he was five, he would wonder if he'd ever get to meet his father. When he asked that, his mother would smile. "He'll find you someday, Sunshine," she would say. "You will be a big man someday."

Will's mother could predict things. Will didn't know how she did it, but everyone would come to her when something happened. One day, he saw her experience change from smiling to darkness, and all he could do was to go and hide in the corner of the other room.

Will started school, and made a lot of friends. Smiling was really the key, so he smiled whenever the teachers would scold him because he was distracted. He also smiled when his mother started acting colder towards him. He smiled when the teachers told them that he had dyslexia. He smiled when he got a bad grade, but he was actually terrified of what his mother would do when she learned. He smiled the next day, when he got to the school with puffy red eyes and purpled bruises.

He smiled all throughout his first and second year of education, despite all the scars he had. After all, smiling brings out the best in your personality.

When Will turned into nine, he started feeling things. His heart would hop whenever he saw his new classmate, an exchange student with choppy brown hair and even darker eyes. One day at lunch, he got his courage and met him.

"Hey!" he said with a huge grin. "I'm Will. And you?"

"I'm Eric," the boy said, and they soon became friends. Best friends, in fact, Will refused to do anything without him. If only he could.

A year later, Will finally got his courage to tell his mom that he had a crush on his best friend. He knew that his love for the boy was not normal, after all, he had a mommy and a daddy, and he would only see a boy and a girl as a couple in parent-teacher conferences. That was why he kept it in for a full year, and now was the time to tell mom. She would be okay with it, right? She loved him.

All Will got was a despised look and a new school in New York a week later. "A camp, Will," his mother had said. "A camp that will welcome you throughout the year."

He didn't have the courage to ask if she would visit. He didn't have the courage for anything from now on, really. He just forced a smile like he always did, and watched the only family he had run away from him.

Later, he learned that he was a demigod, that his father was an Olympian god. He was put into the Hermes Cabin, a cabin that welcomes all, and not even a day later he was transferred to the Apollo Cabin, and he was immediately welcome.

After all, they were family.

Will didn't have the courage to tell that he liked boys. He was too scared that his new family would run away as well.

Will was eleven, and that was the first time he saw Percy Jackson.

The boy looked clueless, not knowing where he was, bloody and holding a horn that symbolized power to most, but it didn't mean anything to Will. They dragged him to the infirmary, and he was under Will's territory now. He made his siblings take care of the boy as well as he could, until one day he finally woke up.

Will didn't really want to, but he couldn't help but think how beautiful his sea green eyes and raven hair were. He smiled, and looked away.

Two years later, when Will was thirteen, Percy returned to the camp with Artemis hunters and a new demigod. The kid looked fascinated, like a dream come true, and Will decided not to interfere. It was never good. If only he did.

Not so later, Percy Jackson came back with a missing Annabeth and sad news that made the new kid disappear, leaving a huge scar on the ground behind. Just as huge as the ones in Will's mind.

Battle of Manhattan was hard for all, but Will was having the worst time of his life. People always got sick on the camp, that was okay and natural, but this? This was far worse. Will wasn't sleeping, only working, desperately trying to patch up people who were already losing the grip on the life. The first time Will ver saw so many deaths at once. The first time he started to accept it as a long friend.

Also the time when he learned that the only big brothers he had, the only people he looked up to were dead as well and he was the head of the cabin immediately. But he had to be strong. For the sake of his other siblings. For the sake of the war.

So he put a smile on, and went up to patch Percy's most beloved crush.

Not even a year later, Percy went missing as usual, and Annabeth started looking for him. Instead she came back with three new demigods, a boy who lost his memory, his so called girlfriend and a boy who looked just as broken as he was. Will welcomed them as well, he seemed to welcome everyone these days. After all, Percy was missing, and camp needed support.

The world now seemed to turn around Percy Jackson, after all.

Will heard the talks, the one with Percy and Annabeth falling into Tartarus. Their worries were confirmed by Rachel, the Oracle and Will's dear friend. She just looked sadly to Will, and nodded; which was enough for Will. He smiled faintly, and went back to his lovely infirmary. His smile seemed to get even more fainter day by day.

But he kept it on. As the Camp was getting ready for another war, Will was constantly reminded that he was no soldier, and turned back to infirmary.

"You like him, don't you?" Clarisse had said once to him. "The Jackson kid, I mean." Clarisse was oddly a good friend of his, a person so different but yet they were so similar. Clarisse had scars as well, and could see the ones Will had. So Will knew he had no escape. He looked down to the ground and nodded slightly. There was no point in running away from the truth.

"It's okay," Clarisse said. She patted Will's shoulder, and stood up. "We all fell for him at least once in our lives."

Will was not so surprised to hear that.

He said the exact words later, to another friend of his, Lou Ellen. But this time was different, Will no longer felt such thing, it was Lou who was down. Will just stood silent and hugged his friend, and comforted her until her sobs ended.

Another war was about to explode, and Will decided that it would be the best if he just ran away from the infirmary, after a traumatizing experience or delivery. That was also when he saw the cheery boy who disappeared, but the showed up on several occasions, the boy who was the son of Hades. Will knew the rumors, the ones about the boy, he'd also heard the things Coach Hedge had said earlier- that the boy was killing himself, slowly. Like Will was going to let that happen. But that was before then. That was before Will actually see the boy again, this time even more paler, sadder and darkened. The boy looked like a reflection of Will's own soul; full of scars, hurt and scared by the fact that he is all alone. Will suddenly forgot about Percy, forgot about that exchange student, forgot the things his mother had said. His realization wasn't so later.

He was falling for a boy who was supposed to get all the credit.

And for the first time in his life, Will thought that was okay.

Neither the best nor the worst is yet to come for Will now. He's glad that he found the person that can understand him, but that's not it. No, not even remotely. Will knows that there are things that will haunt him for life, his scars. He isn't dead yet, a good thing, but every close call has been paid with a scar, deep, big or not. Will doesn't have much, but the scars he has is more than enough for a lifetime.

He doesn't know yet, but to live the life, you have to accept your scars as a part of you.


	3. Rusted Hearts, Broken Lives

Nico always thought that Will was here because Nico needed help and love and all that kind of stuff, but when he saw Will under his lovely, shiny facade, he finally decided that he wasn't the only reason he stayed. No, not at all.

Will also stayed because he needed it.

There is a silence, a long, depressing one, and Nico truly doesn't know what to say. Will just stares blankly at the wall, broken and numb. Nico wants to ask if he's okay, but he knows the answer. He's not, he's never been. Nico regrets his being, he wishes this had never happened, and wants to cry. But he can't. For the sake of their relationship, for the sake of _Will_, he just can't sit and cry. For once, he has to be the strong one.

He's angry, angry at himself for letting this, _any_ of this happen, he's angry at his friend choices. They're the ones that broke Will, and he knows that. _Gods damn it_, he fucking knows that he's the one who broke Will.

He kind of wishes he didn't.

He also wishes that Will didn't look so blind, so hopeless.

His bright blond hair doesn't look so bright now, just dirty. His icy blue eyes are dull, he's staring flatly at the wall in front of them, and drops of tears are falling from his beautiful eyes that Nico adores. Nico wants to cuddle him, wants to tell him that it's okay; it's okay to cry, okay to let your guard down every once in a while. But he doesn't. He _can't_.

So instead, he just stands still and watches his loves tear himself apart and show Nico all the scars he has.

_The day had started like this._

_Will was jumpy, and it was so uncharacteristic of him that Nico was starting to worry. Everyone came and went, they hung out, and then the _genius_ Jason Grace dropped the bomb._

_"Dude, but seriously, if you even remotely try to hurt Nico, you should know that Percy and I will haunt you." It was meant to be a joke, a joke he and Percy always made, a joke that none of them really cared about. Nico knew Will wouldn't leave him, but he never really understood why. He didn't know why Will ever wanted to be with him. _

_Will smiled faintly, and pretended like he was scared, like he always did. If only Nico knew he was sick of it. _

_A few hours later, they were at the Apollo Cabin, sitting in peace, and then that hell of a douche Austin came in._

_"Dude!" he gasped. "Why do you even hang out with this wimp?" But Nico didn't care. He didn't care being called a _wimp_, it wasn't like he didn't know that people didn't like him. But Will did, and that was all that mattered. Will shoved him off, and they continued playing that old childish game Will insisted playing on._

_Then, Drew came and destroyed the thing that Nico tried to create, a facade._

_"Why are you even here?" she asked, disgusted. "And why are you here with _Will_?" She had said his name like a treasure, like she was hers, like a property. _

_"Shut up," Nico growled, but Drew smirked. "You like being winded up, don't you?" she asked. "You like all those names we call you, and you know that half of us don't say anything because they're scared of you and Percy and Jason. But we all do. Hate you, I mean. Am I wrong, Will?" She slowly caressed Will's cheek, as Will tried to get away. Nico couldn't take it. _

_He just couldn't._

_That was why he ran to the woods._

It is raining outside, unlike other days in Camp Half-Blood. It is dark, the sky is as grey as Nico's feelings right now. Nico hates this, this feeling of his, and his eyes hurt because he'd cried, his heart hurts because he can't cry anymore for the sake of Will.

His mind hurts because of this new version of Will. This version is broken. Will is broken.

Nico hates knowing that.

He also hates knowing that despite how Will felt, he never showed. He sat quiet, next to him as he cried and whined about all the things he felt. He isn't good at this kind of thing, _feeling. _

Will looks empty, and Nico finally has the courage to sit next to him. He just sits, and says nothing. No touching and stuff too, because Nico is not good at that either, they just sit silently as Will slowly and quietly sobs.

_"Hey, Nico, it's okay. It's not like she was telling the truth," Will said softly. Nico wanted to laugh, but he couldn't because he was too busy crying. _

_"But it does feel real," he said between sobs. His voice was hoarse from crying, but who really cares? He doesn't, that's for sure. He can't care anymore. "Sunshine," Will says, determined. _

_"Why would you think like that?" Nico buries his face in his knees. _

_"Because it's true, isn't it? It's all true. None of you like me. I am creepy and dark and grumpy and I make people feel uncomfortable. I am utterly, completely alone, and even worse, I deserve it. I deserve loneliness, Will. I am weird, not normal, a f_reak_!" Nico couldn't hold it back anymore, he was now yelling and crying violently. "Even you don't love me," he told Will, who took it heavy. "I don't deserve you." _

_Will was no longer touching his shoulder, and his face was turned away._

_"Do you-Do you really think like that? After all I've done?" His voice was no longer like the one Nico knows, it was no longer confident, charming and gentle. It was broken, husky, and it was nothing like Nico had ever heard. Will got away from him. Nico stopped sobbing, at least he thought he did, and crawled towards Will. He could now see Will's face, and that expression... It broke his heart._

_"No-stop! Nico, don't touch me!" That was the first Nico had heard that from him, it was usually Nico who said that, but did it matter now, really? Will started sobbing, and for the first time in Nico's life, he saw Will under all that layers of charm and joy. For the first time, Will was showing the things under his shell, for the first time, Nico was truly meeting Will Solace as the way he was._

Will continues crying for a while, and Nico finally, gently touches his shoulder. "Hey," he whispers, he whispers because he has no idea what to do. "Will. I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean that. I am a complete asshole. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He continues apologizing for the next few minutes, and then finally, Will slowly raises his head.

"Do you know how hard it is?" is his first words. His first words to Nico, who feels like he's just meeting him. "Do you know how hard it is to wake up, put a smile and fucking carry on, Nico? Because that's what I have to do, to carry on. The world is collapsing, and I have to be the peacemaker. I _can't_ fight, I can only talk. I have to be good at that. Do you know that when I first got here, I had to cry myself to sleep because I felt like I had no family? Do You fucking know that my own mother put me here to get rid of me? But no, I have to carry on." He's now playing with his hands, his nails.

"I have to carry on because I am the strong one. I have to carry on because of all the broken people here, I have to carry on because of_ you_. And I do that, not because I pity you or sympathize, not because I know what you've been through, no. I do it because _I love you_. I fucking love you, you dumbass, so don't think for one second that I don't. If I'm here now, alive, with all these layers I've put on myself like a freaking coat, it's because of you. You have no right. No, you don't." He's unstable, tapping his fingers as he speak, and Nico is quiet. He wasn't expecting that.

He does deserves it, though.

"And I don't pity you. I never did. You are the reflection of me, with all your fucking scars, all of your sadness; why would I pity you? No, that's not it. Can't you understand? I am not here because of you, Nico. I'm not here because you need help or whatever the fuck that is, no, no. _I need you,_ that's why I'm here. You can't take that from me. And I'll do anything for you. _Fuck_, I'll do anything for you. If you kill me, that's okay. Just make sure that I stay dead. Because I don't want to suffer. Not anymore." Nico's eyes are wide.

"Why would I do that?" he says, careful not to hurt Will. "Will, I am here. _I am here_. I'll always be. You're my doctor, remember? I need to stay alive. I need you to stay alive as well, or there's no point in living." He doesn't care what Will will do now, he immediately holds Will's hand.

"I am here. I'll always be." He kisses Will, knowing that'll change nothing. But he knows that Will will give him another chance. He just knows.

And as the sky darkens, Nico finally knows that Will is the one who needs love.

And he's more than ready to give it.


End file.
